Infertility and Adoption

Our Infertility and Adoption Story

I can’t separate our Infertility Story from our Adoption Story because those paths are too closely intertwined – they were truly woven together by God’s masterful handiwork.  Our story is filled with many difficulties and joys, and we wouldn’t change it for the world. 

My husband Jim and I wanted to start a family pretty soon after we got married in 2007.  Months went by without a positive pregnancy test.  I knew in my heart something wasn’t right. 

We found a doctor who understood Creighton Model charting of cycles (because that is what we use), and he knew right away what was wrong when he looked at my charts.  I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian disease, endometriosis, and several other related medical conditions.  Every diagnosis was so difficult to accept, especially for me, because I felt “broken” and that it was my “fault”.  But Jim never blamed me or made me feel guilty.  Instead, he comforted me, supported me, and led us together through medical appointments and most importantly, in using these trials to grow closer together in our marriage and to God. 

Well, to make a long story short, over the next several years, I improved my cycles and my overall health by taking medications and changing to a “good carbs only” diet.  I also have had multiple surgeries to remove my severe endometriosis.  (I know I will need more in the future too because endometriosis cannot be cured.  It is internal scar tissue that grows with every passing cycle.)  Yet, after every new medication, surgery, and diagnosis, we remained hopeful.  None of what I had made it impossible for us to conceive; it only made it more difficult.  But month after month, we kept getting a “no” from God.

Even though this time was extremely difficult and painful, especially emotionally, we used it to strengthen our relationship with God and with each other.  We were both at the top of our classes, over-achievers, and had great jobs.  We always got everything we wanted and worked for.  But our infertility struggle has shown us that we can’t rely solely on ourselves.  It is definitely not easy, but we have been slowly learning to really trust in God’s Plan for us and what it truly means to accept His Will. 

My husband was a true spiritual leader and an amazing support to me throughout all of this.  We prayed together everyday – always for “good” test/surgery results (so then we knew whatever the outcome was that is was “good” for us even if it seemed “bad”) and for guidance for our future family.  As a married couple dealing with infertility, we knew God would be calling us to be physical and/or spiritual parents.  For us, we felt secure that God was calling us to be physical parents.  We just didn’t know how this was going to happen.  Would it be biological?  Fostering?  Adoption?  We just kept praying and knew that His Plan for us would be better than anything we could ever imagine if we just trusted Him and followed His teachings. 

During our prayers, adoption kept standing out to us.  So we prayed a lot, cried a lot, and spoke to a trusted priest about it.  It was a very difficult decision, not because we felt uneasy about adopting, but because we wanted to make sure we were truly being called to adopt to start our family. 

I did not want to choose adoption just because I wanted to become a mother.  It’s not all about me.  I didn’t want to choose adoption for selfish reasons; it had to be right for our family and what we were truly being called to do.  

 I didn’t want to feel like adoption was our Plan B because we couldn’t get pregnant.  I wanted to see it as God’s Plan A for us. 

And because of how emotional it is when you’re dealing with infertility, day-by-day I was really struggling with truly knowing if my intentions were selfish or not.  So my husband suggested that we talk to a priest friend of ours.  When we talked to him about it, he told us he believed we were not being selfish.  Instantly, I felt at peace – the peace you receive when you know you’re doing God’s will.  (This was the first time throughout our infertility struggle that I actually felt at peace.) 

Through this priest, we knew God was telling us adoption was His Plan A for us.  So we quickly started the adoption paperwork in 2010 after 3 years of marriage, and we were so excited to get started on God’s Plan for our family!

Our daughter J

The adoption process was quite the roller coaster too.  After several ups and downs, in the summer of 2011, we were matched with a birthmother who was due in late August.  Less than a week after that phone call and several weeks before her due date, our daughter J was born!  So in 1 week, we went from just being matched to bringing our daughter home!  It was quite the shock (in the best possible way!).  And I can’t say enough how we are so grateful to her birthmother for giving us such a loving and unselfish gift of life to our family.  J is such a tremendous blessing! 

So in 2012, after a lot of prayer, we decided to expand our family and start the adoption process again.  We were matched with a birthmother right away who was due in October.  But when he was born, she decided to parent.  Losing this Baby was heart-wrenching.  We felt an array of emotions from loss to betrayal to sorrow.  But from Day 1 (even while waiting for J), we always prayed forpeace and strength for the birthmother and for whatever was best for the baby.  So we knew that this was God's plan for this family and ours.  But it was still so hard at the time to lose him!  So we kept reminding ourselves that God had a Baby out there who was meant to be ours...

Our son B

And to our surprise, only a few days later, we were matched with another birthmother!  At first, it was very difficult because we were still grieving the Baby we just lost, but our agency helped us through our emotions to get us back on track.  Well, we met with this new birthmother several times, and she was such an amazing and loving woman.  So in late 2012, we welcomed our son B into our family.  And once again, we are so grateful to his birthmother for her love and gift of life to us.  B is such a gift!  Our life is so blessed with these two.

In 2014, we felt the call to grow our family through adoption again.  We got back on the list and thought that there was no way that we could possibly have another short 6 month wait like our first 2 were.  So we prepared our hearts for a long wait this time around.  Well, I was wrong on the amount of time, but not about how much we needed to prepare our hearts…

After only 4 months of waiting, we got matched with a birthmother due with twins in December.  But almost as quickly as we were matched, it fell through.  It was very disappointing, but we knew God would have the perfect little one out there for us. 

And sure enough, on the exact same day the twins fell through, we got a call from the agency.  We were matched again.  With TWINS AGAIN.  Surely, we were meant to have twins!

But nothing is a sure thing in adoption.  Two months later in January 2015, these twins fell through too.  I was very upset at first.  But I had to keep telling myself that God knows what He’s doing.  He will bring the perfect little one into our family.  The one who was always meant to be with us.  We just have to keep praying and trusting in Him (even when…no, especially when it’s difficult)!

So in March 2015, I received a phone call from our agency that would quickly change our family forever: we had been matched with a birthmother…who had her baby 2 days ago!  And that we needed to come to the hospital to get our son immediately

So we dropped everything, got Jim’s mom to watch J and B, and went straight to the hospital.  There, we met our son L’s birthmother and father – two incredibly brave and loving people.  You could clearly see the tremendous amount of love they had for L.  We are so grateful to them for entrusting us with the care of their little one!  Then, a short 14 hours after the first phone call, we had L at home with us…as our son.

Our son L

It’s so amazing to think that each one of our children was especially chosen by God to be in our family.  You can so clearly see His Hand in all the details surrounding each of their stories.  What miracles they truly are!

And throughout all of this, we have been trying to conceive as well.  In 2013, I even had surgery to remove my endometriosis again, and this time it was even with a specialist.  He was able to remove 100% of it and considered it very successful.  I even had surgery again in 2016, and this time I lost an ovary.  Both of these surgeries did bring back some of the emotional turmoil we went through before starting the adoption process since it improved our chances of conceiving, and we would love to have a large family.  But we've seen all the amazing things God has done for us as we've gone through this journey, especially the gifts of our beautiful children, so everyday we try (very hard!) to choose to trust in God's special plan for us.

So infertility is definitely a lifelong roller coaster.  Yes, it’s a Cross.  But it’s also a Blessing.  In the most basic sense, it helped me to become healthier because I have been diagnosed and treated for several underlying diseases so now I can be there for my family for years to come.  It also helped us to grow stronger in our Faith by working on trusting God instead of our own abilities.  It strengthened our marriage because we always supported each other and prayed together more often.  And, of course, we have a beautiful blessing in our kids!  If we had been able to conceive, they would not be with us, and they were always meant to be in our family.  

It’s definitely easier said than done (and we work hard at accepting this everyday!), but God has a Plan and we need to trust in Him.  I can’t wait to see what else He has in store for our family!

So that is our story…so far!  I know it was very long, but I always want to be honest in sharing the struggles and joys of our infertility and adoption journey with you.  What helped me the most during our trying times was to hear other couple’s journeys who had gone through the same thing.  My prayer is that now I can now pass on some hope and encouragement to others, like how those couples did for me!   

I would love to hear how adoption has touched your life or answer any of your questions.  You can comment below, or you can contact me through social media or at  I look forward to hearing from you!

You're in our prayers!

If you are interested, here are all of my everyday posts about Infertility
here are the ones about Adoption, and here is our Adoption Timeline for Baby #3

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28


  1. I just discovered your blog and have 2 adopted children and 1 biological (after a long struggle with endometriosis) and was nodding my head in agreement about the ups/downs/lessons God had for me through all of this... my heart will choose to say - Blessed be His name! and looking back it was through the darkest moments He carried me. Blessings to you and your beautiful family as you trust Him continually through this journey:)

  2. Your family's story is such a beautiful one! God truly has His Hand in your lives. Thank you for sharing your story. :)

  3. Thanks for sharing your story. My husband and I have been married nearly as long and you and stuck in the infertility phase for about four years. We have always hoped to adopt, but are fostering currently. It's encouraging to how God puts families together when and how He wants to.

  4. I just discovered and started following your blog today. I am newly married and we aren't planning on children for at least 5 years but I have always felt that in my heart that if God calls me to be a mother it will be through adoption. I struggled with an eating disorder during puberty which doctors have told me will make it hard for me to get pregnant confirming even more the adoption call on my heart. Love your story!

  5. This is beautiful! I have 3 biological children, but adoption is always on my heart. God bless you and your beautiful family!

  6. I love what you said about seeing adoption as "God's plan A" - such an honest prayer! Thank you for being this vulnerable and transparent with all of us. and yes, God bless you and your family!

  7. I find it so encouraging to read other people's stories of infertility and their road to adoption. My husband and I always wanted to adopt, however along the way, also found out that we were infertile, so adoption was our only adoption. I am glad that we had already decided to adopt before knowing we were infertile as I agree with you, adoption cannot just be something done purely to fulfil a desire to be a mother. We are almost on the waiting list (it has been a long journey- adoption is so much slower in Australia. I dream of a 6 month wait!) and it is stories like yours that sustain me and give me hope ...a little glimpse into what my future may look like. Thank you :)

  8. You're doing great things with adoptions. I was so stupid before, it was like in another life when I thought I don't want to have kids any more... Of course I've changed my mind now and the only thing left for me is reading articles like this:, praying and thinking of adoption...

  9. Beautiful! Loved reading your family's story so far!

  10. I'm praying right now for friends adopting a precious baby girl, hopefully coming home from the hospital in a day or two, and I know you'll understand jitters about "will all go well as things become final?" This is their first child. Thank you for sharing this... and your children are BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

  11. Thank you so much for this sweet post. You and your husband are such an inspiration to many people. I am so happy I found your blog ♥

  12. Jessica, your story made me cry. Your faith and hope through your difficult journey is such an inspiration. <3

  13. Jessica, if your anticipated surgeries bring you to the Pope Paul VI Institute in Omaha (you mentioned the Creighton Model), know that we have hosted several women in our home as they have recuperated form surgery. You would be MOST welcome in our home if you ever have a need/desire for free housing before and after surgery. God bless you and your beautiful family.

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